Genital Jousting

Go Left

Very rare3.5%

Move to the left.

Go Right

Very rare3.4%

Move to the right.

Generous Lover

Very rare2.7%

Finish last in a Party Mode game.

Fire Inspector

Very rare2.6%

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.

Self Defence

Very rare1.3%

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.

Swan Tamer

Ultra rare0.9%

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.

Till Death Do Us

Ultra rare0.7%

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.

Always Finishes First

Ultra rare0.6%

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.

Clumsy

Ultra rare0.5%

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.

Autopaedicatio

Ultra rare0.5%

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Master Unlocker

Ultra rare0.5%

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.

Spare Wheel

Ultra rare0.4%

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.

The Perfect Partner

Ultra rare0.4%

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

My Precious

Ultra rare0.3%

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.

Popcorn Buffet

Ultra rare0.3%

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Most Improved Tapulator

Ultra rare0.3%

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Safety First

Ultra rare0.3%

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Paperwork

Ultra rare0.2%

Submit your monthly physical report.

Bulking Gear

Ultra rare0.2%

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Couch Party

Ultra rare0.1%

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Fussy Lover

Ultra rare0.1%

Save yourself for that special orgy.

Early Bird

Ultra rare0.1%

Swallow every worm.

Sleep No More

Ultra rare0.1%

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Magnetic Basshole

Ultra rare0.1%

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.