POSTAL 2 achievement guide & roadmap



No missable achievements (plus 89 unknown)

No guide has been started yet - please help create one as you play!

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R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.


Survived Wednesday.

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.


Roasted 30 people with fire.

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.


Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.


Wore all three outfits.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

You are not alone

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

There's always money in the banana stand

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.


Reunited with an old friend.

SeƱor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Found 'em faster than GWB


Kicked 30 people in the balls.

John Rambo'd!

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Cesar Millan is Gay

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Ginger Mint

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Ape Rape


Spent $5,000 on vending machines.

Reddit's Famous Double Dong

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

SCREW that game!

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

Dick Message

Gary vs. a Giant Penis

Bitches Love Cake

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.


Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)


Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Hobo Sexual


Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

Ode to Eddings


Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.